Accel Virus Lab Issue 1
Well, here we are with the first issue from AVL. I'm not into "kEwl ANSI" art or any of that stupid crap, so don't expect any of it out of my publications. Just to introduce who I am and what I do, (seeing as how I am just recently coming out into the open on the virus scene) I wanted mainly to center this portion of this issue about what it is that I do with my time, and who the hell I think I am to be coming out and smashing everyone. Hmm... I have been working with computer viruses for quite some time (since '93 or '94), and so I have seen the whole virus world evolve into the sad shape its into right now. I never released any code, nor "let anything loose" (that I can think of), and I haven't written any e-zines until now, so that's why nobody's ever seen me around. I don't think I ever really planned on it either. Until now...
I get on the net to check out what everyone else is doing out there once in a while, and to see if anyone has come out with any decent code, or ground-breaking ideas. Well, it upsets me to see what I see, and I'm tired of all the worthless code being pumped out lately, and I think that alot of scan strings are being wasted on viruses that do the same old same old. Hell, I still see people writing DOS EXE infectors.
The thing that gets me lately is the obscene amount of Macro Viruses that are coming out. I guess it's because anybody or their dog can code a Macro virus... so naturally everyone and their dog are gonna code them. But come on, honestly. When writers out there actually have some sort of talent, it pains me to see them come out with their "weekly special" ... yes, it's the tOtaLLy AweSome k-RaD Word7 VyruS oF thE weEk... blah blah blah blah. Nothing new, always the same. I think there are some 5000 macro viruses that come out per year lately, and they aren't effective anyway. 99.9% of them can't even be opened without Word saying "This document conatins macros which may contain malicious code" or some stupid statement (Microsoft is Satan anyways... who else would create a word processor that could be entirely driven by VisualBasic... they're just looking to cause a medium for infection), so who in their right mind would get a document from someone they didn't trust, or know, and then ignore THAT message? (of course, you'd be surprised at the people I meet every day)
AND WHAT ELSE?? Hmm... what else do I see new on out there in the world every day... oh yeah. Runtime COM infectors. Beautiful. Just what we needed, more COM infectors... heaven knows there aren't enough of those. "This is a cool new virus from *insert dumb-ass name here*, it infects COM files using the 'dot dot' method. No encryption, no stealth techniques, and hell, no creative name either." I understand that a lot of people spend a long time learning to write a virus in assembler, then once they do, it tends to be a simple COM infector. I also understand the pride and joy of creating your very first working virus, but come on, I wouldn't publish it on the web and make such a big deal about it bragging about how cool it is.
So what's my point? My point is, the VX world has gone into the hands of those that the founding fathers so passionately hated, the k-RaD puppies. Using their stupid extended ASCII characters, alternating lower case and CAPITAL letters, saying words like kewl, and other ignorant four letter words. It's gone to hell. They've learned some basic assembler, hacked and cracked code, picked up some VisualBasic, and now they try to put themselves at the same level as the great ones. ANYWAY, in this issue, and in most of the ones to follow, we're gonna do a "VX WORLD HALL OF SHAME". We're gonna go out, find the latest garbage, and trash it. Sounds like fun, eh? Well, for me it will be. :) Also, we'll feature some of the stupidest "virii" web sites, and trash on them as well. If you're like me, and you want to get rid of the crap out there, and think it stinks, and are tired of completely uncreative coding, you're gonna like this. Sit back, and keep hitting that down-arrow key.
VIRII?
Notice I don't say "virii". What the hell is that anyway? Virii. I can see the whole cactus-cacti thing, but honestly. VIRUSES. That's the way it is, and that's the way it will be. The word virii makes me want to fart. But I digress....... On to the zine.
