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Activist Times Inc. 970427
April 27, 1997 - 970427.txt
Romper Stomper bomper boo,
Tell me tell me, tell me do.
Magic mirror, tell me today,
Did all my friends have fun at play?
I see Newt, and Jesse; Tipper and Elizabeth;
George and Manuel; Oliver and Ronald;
Colin and Norman, Colin! Get your hands off Newt's you
know what. I've told you once, and I've told you a
thousand times. This country, and especially TV land
simply cannot handle inter-racial, gay relationships.
Shame on you, Now walk on that Lego balance beam,
sponsored by Hasbro, Proctor and Gamble, and Monsanto
corp. Colin, walk from one end to the other with your
pants down. We're each going to take turns spanking your
dark little heiney.
Des Moines, Iowa, it's Sunday, April 27, 1997 and this is
ATI, (Activist Tupperware, Incorporated) Issue #76.
1776? 1976? Que revolutionario, mi publicacion tirada es mui
tirado y frescura, novedad. 76. 76. 76. 76.
OK. So the romper room lady is dead. Long live the romper room
lady. Yeah. Miss Nancy Claster died of cancer the other day at 82.
Remember her magic mirror?
I see Anais Nin, and Gore Vidal, George Plimpton and Martha?
Mariel? Margot? Is that you? What are you all doing in that hot-tub?
Holy Apropos!
Eugene Stoner, 74, Designer of the M-16 (did you say Hasbro???) picked
the same day to die?? And the NY Times, schmaltzo schlock-mongers that
they are, put his picture right next to Miss Nancy's!!!
I see Mattel, Hasbro, Colt, Smith & Wesson...
I remember my first M-16 vividly. #59209-3a. because it had Hasbro
hand guards. Not a whole Hasbro like others I've had, the chamber and
trigger mech. was made by Colt in my home state of CT.
In fact two buildings down from the Regency apartments in Bridgeport
where my grampa was a super. How was I to know when I was playing Tonka
trucks, GI Joes, watching Romper Room and Mr. Rogers I would grow up to
score expert on M-16, AK-47 AND the Afghani 5-shot sniper rifle? Only
sharpshooter on grenade though, so keep me away from the white phosphorus.
How was I to know I'd Miss Gulf War Syndrome by one digit on my ss#?
How was I to know I'd become a conscientious objector AFTER receiving an
Honorable Discharge. How was I to know I would become an LSD fiend while
on active duty (it's more "normal" than you'd think) only to quit cold
turkey (no patches, hypnotists or 1-900#'s for me, pal) the minute my
End-Terminate-Service was filed?
Thank you Hasbro, you make me want to puke. Thank you Miss Nancy. You
showed me how to see magic. You can never know. Thank you Eugene Stoner,
for inventing such a beautiful well functioning, defense-only (yeah, right.
mommy, what's a tumbler round??) piece of freedom protection.
I almost want to break my pacifist vow and commit violence on your
casket, Stoner Gene. But your corpse is art, and as quoth Dante: "Violence
to art more heinous be than murder of children, verily."
The God that made you dead is the same beautiful God who brought us the
New Deal, New World, peace in the mideast, Mother Theresa and Ronny
Raygun's lovely radio voice.
Sublime, man.
Be glad I never had GI Joe and his twins gang-raping Barbie in the back
of a Tonka truck. I saw that in the park the other day and the mom?
Obliviously busy reading the most recent Topaz Danielle Steele Harlequin
Romance novel.
OK, last week's Topaz Danielle Steele Harlequin Romance novel.
You notice how close "cosmic" and "comic" look? Now, that's divine
comedy. I'm prime anarchist and that, my friends, was my column. A
triple whammy double obituary feature. And now on to the good stuff.
Odzooks. I promise.
SNL Notes: a Prime Anarchist Production.
I finally found someone with more makeup caked on her face than
Tammy Faye Bakker. That gorgeous "chick" in the band No Doubt. Is she
covering up crater face by the pound or what? Oh well. Doesn't
disillusionment drag you down?
Is GE Smith sick? Dead? Retired? I didn't see the reputedly under-
rated stage-hog guitarist the whole show. Heard a rumor he can't get along
with Martin Short. Oh Prima Donnie...
At any rate -- if the guy's gone I'll start watching SNL regularly
again for the first time since John Belushi straddled a toilet and
speed balled his brains out. Dude, that hit me hard too. Curt Cobain's got
nothing on you.
ADBUSTERS MOMENT!!! Attention please: The Purpose Of Saturday Nite
Live Is To Sell $30,000 Automobiles.
By the way, I really like No Doubt a lot. Attn: Dave Fischer. Is the
lead singer your ex-girlfriend, Vanessa???
Cars.
One more car ad after this Gatorade commercial and they lose me.
Going, going. Gone.
ATI, like one big long editorial page. The Rag Read Round the Riverbend.
Fold it up and use it for, well... never mind.
