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y0lk-055
--(y0lk)-----------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk #55: campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well. y0lk. we've released quite a few issues in the last couple'a
days, i guess the little zine is picking up. or not. shrug. while writing
issue #50, i realized something rilly neat-o about y0lk: some of the old things
i wrote weren't actually that bad. so, in honor of the old-style hip y0lk of
old, i present this issue. the retro-silly issue.
--(fake irc quotes)------------------------------------------------------------
<trip_> /dcc get warezdcc thedig50mb.zip
<trip_> fuk
<god> so these two priests and a moose are in a bar, right?
<god> the moose says, "i'll have a rum and coke, please."
<god> the first priest says, "hey moose, how old are you?"
<god> the moose says, "17, why?"
<god> and the second priest sez, "you poophead!@$# mooses your age can't drink!
<satan> ...
<god> what?
<satan> man, you can't tell jokes for shit, god.
<god> no!@$! cuz, the guy's a moose, right?!@ get it?!??
*** Signoff: satan (lamer)
<phorce> /msg WildOne yeah, i'm pretty tough. i'm in a punk band and
everything... smoke a lotta weed too
<phorce> fuk
<mogel> i read y0lk!
<tut> hey guys!
<tut> what's happenin'!?@$?
<tut> i just got outa prison, i got 8 months for involuntary manslaughter, uhm.
<m3rcuri_> huh?
<tut> i can't believe i left the computer on!@$#!@$%!$!
* you are pathetic.
*** satan has joined #hell
<creed> hey, satan
<trip_> satan
<satan> hey guys
<creed> what's up
<satan> uhm, can one of you hook me up with descent 2 registered?
<creed> uhh, you couldn't find it yourself?
<satan> well, no, uhm...
*** Signoff: creed (lamer)
<godzilla> rrrraaaarohoghhghh.
<creed> i read y0lk!
<trip_> uhm, satan, you can download descent 2 off my board if you want...
*** Signoff: satan (lamer)
--(w0o)------------------------------------------------------------------------
tee hee. well. i love dem irc quotes, but i dunno... have i lost it?
have i run out of material? i dunno. hmmph. howzz about a little k-rad
anarch1ey?
--(youth against fascism!)-----------------------------------------------------
HOW TO LOOK LIKE A PUNK ANARCHIST
auth0r: creed time: 11:05pm
date: 03/20/96 %%%%%%%%%%%%%
you will need: 1 carving knife
1 brick
1 friend (or parent)
DISCLAIMER: HaHaHaHaHa WHo CaReZ!@#$ eYe HaTe FeDZ@!$!@$!$%
ok d0odz, for those of you that aren't quite punk yet from years of
hardk0re anarchist experience, here's a little t-file i whipped up so you kidz
can look more like myself.
first, take your carving knife and cut a few gashes in your face & chestarea. this will make you look like you have gotten into a lot of fights with
cops n' stuff so people will like you. if you aren't into the pain thing, ask
your friend (or parent) to die you down and do it for you. when you are
finished, you should have 8-10 deep bleeding wounds, which will soon develop
into cool scars. i suggest that you sit down and rest for a while, so when you
pass out you don't hit your head or anything.
when you regain consciousness and feel like walking again, take the
knife (still got it?) and cut a few fingers off. if you are the daring type,
try sawing off a leg and/or foot.
WARNING: DO NOT SAW OFF YOUR OWN HEAD. IF THIS HAPPENS, YOU WILL LOSE FLOW OF
BLOOD & OXYGEN TO YOUR BRAIN, AND YOU WILL (MOST LIKELY) DIE. IF YOU
ARE INTERESTED IN DEATH, SEE EARLIER ISSUES OF Y0LK FOR INFORMATION ON
HOW TO DESTROY YOURSELF.
ok, now you're done with the knife. what you want to do now is stand
about five paces away from your friend (or parent) and have him/her throw the
brick directly at your face. repeat this process until you have about one
handful of teeth to show your friends.
okay, so now you're a k-rad rebel teenage anarchist. i suggest, for
your first act of duty, you look for the textfiles "how to get arrested" and
"guns for goths." HaVe PHuN!@%&%*@!&#*&
--(w0o)------------------------------------------------------------------------
sigh. have i lost my goofy flair? i dunno. i'd like some feedback on
this issue, if it's possible. i dunno how i did. however, we at y0lk hold one
secret that protects us from humiliation & worrying about not doing well on our
writing...
we still don't care. (nyah nyah!)
--(index)----------------------------------------------------------------------
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me. yep.
