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y0lk-054
--[the "fab" intro]-----------------------------------------------------------
"what are you doing?"
"i'm printing this story."
"a story? what is this for? is it homework?"
"well, no. it's a magazine."
"a magazine?"
"yeah, i'm printing articles from a magazine."
"it's not for homework?"
"no."
"why?"
"because i want to read them."
"stories?"
"well, not really: just this magazine."
"you're not making any sense. you mean articles from a magazine?"
"yeah, that's what i said."
"no, *I* said that."
"i told you, articles from a magazine."
"whatever, you can leave now."
"fine."
--[we lub tMM!#]--------------------------------------------------------------
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$ssss $$P' tMM
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y0lk 54: the schoolhouse r0x!#
--[welcome to y0lk #54!#$]----------------------------------------------------
y0lk: getting more and more like dto every day. an introduction AND a header
(by someone OTHER than the writer of this issue, no less!@). tommorow: the
world.
--[hmm. what's on tv?]-------------------------------------------------------
<click>
y0lk news.
alt.zines.y0lk - coming soon to a newserver near you. REALLY, TRULY. it may
be a newsgroup, even as you read this. 'leet, huh?
y0lk can still be begotten, not made, from ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/y0lk
call my board: phantasy land. IT TRULY SUX. 201 SUX. EVERYONE SUX. phland
is *NOT*, if you were wondering, a "`zines bbs." it would be nice if it was,
but 201 sux0rz, as i said. my board gets 0 posts. but.. WE HAVE NET-SPIEL!@
call my board. now. 201/275.1403, maplewood, nj.
for the y0lk-chix: email phorce <phorce@openix.com> at phorce@ope... damn. i
gave it away. yeah, well, that's the address. i'm head samurai of y0lk now,
so you can discuss such matters with me, y0e.
also, for all you y0lk f4nz: the y0lk mailing list, which hooch has probably
already relentlessly plugged. the deal: email listserv@magsystems.com with
the line "subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message. it's rad.
also in today's news: THE HENDERSONS ADOPT HARRY. film at eleven.
--[ugh. change that channel, y0e.]--------------------------------------------
<click>
y0lk award-show time!@
y0lk groupie award of the month goes to "moft". you might see him in #hack
(with OPS, no less). he went into #zines one day (followed me) and sub-
sequently got banned, kicked, and analraped by ores. having only read ONE
'zine in his life, he graced #zines with statements like this:
<moft> y0lk rools.
<ores> shaddap.
*** moft has been kicked out of #zines by ores (you tire me, pathetic man)
<ores> *moft* your a lamur
*** Mode change +b *!*@*openix.com by ores
<ores> i crushed him like a fly. muhuhaha.
<phorce> HEY!#% THAT'S ALSO *MY* DOMAIN!#%
well, i probably didn't need to quote all of that. later, when moft was
unbanned, and moft had read the first lines of the gnu dto #8:
<phorce> so, how'd you like dto, moft?
<moft> wow, dto is even better than y0lk.
*** moft has been kicked out of #zines by ores (i'm feeling angst-ful)
for being such a selfish martyr in the face of many anti-y0lk advocates,
moft has been hereby awarded the y0lk groupie award for the month of april.
moft: <accepting award> thank you so much. i respect your skillz.
[clap clap applause]
--[ack.]----------------------------------------------------------------------
tv sux0rz. lemmie read something.
--[<sigh>]--------------------------------------------------------------------
chimps suck.
sitting in math class, this statement suddenly popped into my head.
chimps suck.
i look around the room. people are talking, jabbering to eachother.
they all look so content. stimulus, response. stimulus, response. like
cheeping monkeys.
do they even think? or does the speech come from a switch, turning
on and off somewhere in their nerve centers?
i stare, trying to search for some sign of humanity. anything i can
call "unique."
i am only met with the face of a baboon staring back at me.
scared, i turn to other faces. searching, probing. i stare at one
face, and watch as it melts into that of a monkey. going through the whole
class, i am met with blank expressions and monkey screeches.
do we really _think_? or do we simply act? have we really come
_that_ much farther up the evolutionary ladder? or are we fooling ourselves?
"chris, why isn't your notebook open?"
i stare at her. watching her face.
"well?"
"umm.. i didn't think we had to take notes."
"chris, c'mon! start writing down examples!!"
we just got our tests back. i aced it. i haven't done any homework
since september. i haven't studied since september. i usually do homework
at the beginning of the year, and then the teacher gets tired of checking
homework every day.
"umm... okay."
i open my notebook.
"good. now, you see, the square root of two times i..."
i close my notebook.
class ends. the usual rush of children trying to leave class as
quickly as possible muffles her voice. she's talking to me, i notice.
"chris - why didn't you have your notebook open? what happened?"
"i didn't think we had to write examples down."
"well, you should have been checking your work..."
"i didn't have to!@ no one ELSE was writing down the stuff on the
board!@ and out of the entire class, you pick on ME?! i was sitting here,
and looking at the board, and you pick on me because my NOTEBOOK isn't open?!
i don't USUALLY write down your examples ANYWAY!# what's wrong with you!?"
she was trying to get in a few words while i said that.
"well, chris, you just should have been..."
i pack up and leave. i have to get to my next class, y'know. music
theory. an AP class, it is. interesting, too.
"woah, chris - what was that?"
"what?"
"you going off on mrs. ayres."
"i did?"
"yeah, you were just shouting at her."
"i was?"
"yeah, why'd you do that? i would have just said 'okay.'"
"didn't i?"
"no, you were all loud and you said 'why did you have to pick on ME
out of the WHOLE CLASS?' and stuff."
"really? oh, wow. okay. cya."
"yeah, okay. cya."
wow. i was loud, or something. oh well. mrs. ayres don't like me
too much, i guess.
sigh.
fucking monkey.
--[moof]----------------------------------------------------------------------
welp, that's the end of my spasm. like the word? i picked it up from tal
meta. that tanj-boy is a great guy. read all the tanj's, while you're at
it. free advertising.
it's in ftp://ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/ThereAin'tNoJustice, i believe. you
might want to try ThereAintNoJustice instead (no ').
it's really good.
I PH33R T4L M3T4. I PH33R T4NJ.
--[put some sort of editor's notes stuff here]--------------------------------
huh? do i still do editor's notes? what?
...
uhm! well, it was a good issue!!@$# what do you want me to say?!@
i dunnooooo... i wish tal meta would write a y0lk. yessir!@$# -creed
--[index]---------------------------------------------------------------------
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
email phorce@openix.com for free mailsex.
