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Mind Warp File 20
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[ Mind Warp - Volume #1, Issue #9, File #020 ]
[ "Phun With Snot" by Mustaine ]
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Phun with Snot
[Mustaine/Influenza]
Yeah, snot. You know, that icky stuff that comes out of your nose
when you hit allergy season. At any rate, I found that snot can be pretty
darn kewl if you know what to do with it. So, in a obvious spout of delirium
caused by my medication to get rid of...yes folks you guessed it..SNOT...I
have decided to write up a short infophile on some kewl things to do with
your snot.
First, before you can have fun with snot, you need snot. Now, I
personally live by that motto, "Use what you have..." so that's what I
recommend. Now at first this might be a problem for some of you folks. Not
everybody has oodles of snot to play with. SO, what I did, and this really
wasn't my fault...but.. My ex-girlfriend was sick around the time of my
senior prom. Boo! But thanks to medication, she got to go. And believe me
we had fun. So, after prom we hit my humble abode...and had fun for
about 5 hours. (Please don't kill me Casper :)
Now you can imagine after all that, Mr. Allergic to Everything here
manages to catch some really nasty germs..and well...basically in a week I
had my own personal supply of snot to play with. It was kinda neat actually,
I had both yellow and green. Sir Mixalot couldn't have asked for better!
Really blessed people will get sinus infections...that is the best.
Before you even begin picking your nose wondering what to do with your
newfound Nickelodeon gak shit...find a flashlight and turn off the lights in
a dark room. Stick the flashlight in your mouth (make sure it's a small
flashlight, cause the big one's get stuck unless you're into heavy duty oral
stuff with your partner...<g>.) At any rate, you should be able to see where
the snot is in your head. Up around the eyeballs, under your forehead, IN
your forehead...in your nasal passages..it's really kewl. Ok, that's one
neato thing to do with snot. Next.
Like blow a little out. It's like crazy glue super duper elastic gunk.
You can like do the yo-yo thing off your fingers if you pick the right
amount. Or you can snap it off with a cute wrist flip. Watch those weirdos
that give people the bird on the metro and stuff...they could fling snot for
feet. Also, little animals HATE snot. Like find some ants and fling the
gunk on em. The little buggers never know what hits em.
Snotbombs are kewl too. But you have to be really sick to be able to
perform this next one. Find a can of coke and empty it. I don't care how.
You could like dump it on the mailman for all I care. Anyways, then stop
taking your medication (can't get rid of the green shit without medication)
and fill the can up. Yeah..with SNOT. It's neato. Then go down to DC, or
somewhere where you can get fireworks and get one of those little M-80's or
cherry bombs. Kewl huh? Stick the explosive in the can so that the fuse
sticks out. Don't worry, it'll float in snot. Just don't get it wet. Wrap
the bottom in like tinfoil or something. I don't care. Then find an un-
suspecting person...like your vice president or something, or hell your
landlord will do...and light the fuse. M-80's and cherry bombs usually have
about a 3 second fuse....so THROW the damn thing. Then you can watch the
person get spattered with your lovely nose discharge.
Mind you I usually don't write sicko stuff like this...it's just that
ever since prom...THANKS Casper...I've had this really nasty sinus infection
and I have had a LOT of spare time on my hands...more like spare SNOT on my
hands..and well...everyone needs a little grossness now and then. Besides,
this is more of a funny grossness. So kids, if you're underage, can't buy
fireworks, have no clue what I'm talking about...well...JUST DON'T TRY THIS
AT HOME. As for adults...use good taste please. If word of the ever top
secret snotbomb got out...well...Suddam just might be able to repel us next
time we have to go over and kick his ass. Until next time...
use a tissue???
Mustaine / iNFLueNZa iNC. / Mind Warp / 1994
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