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Going Ape Shit Press 056
going ape shit press #56 by pip the angry youth
yeap, here's another part of the story about your favorite toes...
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we left our five toes and frennie hannibal in their character
development stages...
"the end is neigh!", the old man crackled at the top of his lungs.
"oh geeze, he's at it again, that's all we need.", remarked frennie as
he kicked sand in the old man's face, and ran as fast as he could into
the savannah with his new operated foot. little did he realize that
his toes were allready formulating thier plans for world domination
and taking over the cheese industries of the world.
"eh heh heh", cackled pinky, "we shall first take over the leading
industries in tokyo, starting with the intel factory, and work
our way up to the lakehurst mcdonald's."
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"say it asshole, say it loud and proud you punk!"
"i'm sorry, i'm sorry that i had ever looked at you biff."
swallowing his pride by appologizing to the school's bully, frennie
appologized for glancing at biff. walking home he heard a small voice
come from below him.
"we can make all of your problems disappear, once and forever. never
coming back... we can be your all."
frantically looking around, frennie tried to locate the origin of the
voice. he finally cried out to the mysterious voice:
"down here, inside of your shoes. take a look, take off your shoes
and let us out."
sitting down on the sidewalk he slowly and cautiously he unfastened
the velcro that held his shoes closed. his jaw dropped in amazement.
"gosh jolly geewilliquors!", shouted frennie. "what 'da fark are
you?", cried frennie.
from mrs. crosbey's fence frennie suprisingly hears, "well, what did
you expect, we are your toes."
now frennie was really confused. first he thought his toes were
talking to him, now he was receiving voices from all kinds of
inanimate objects such as rocks, trees, and benches.
"stop it vinnie, we have business to take care of with our buddy here
frennie" came a tiny little voice from his pinky toe. "let me
introduce myself, i'm pinky... and starting from the toe next to me is
uratosokudogitsu, then there's cassandra, then vinnie, and finally our
not so bright friend, butch."
"now that i know who you are, and you obviously know who i am, what
the hell are you doing on my foot?!?!"
"we were put here by doctor farkle, the one who operated on your
feet. you must warn the world, he wants to conquor the world, for the
time is coming of your eminant destruction!"
"great, now i'm hallucinating... what could happen next?" sighed
frennie.
at that moment, frennie felt a sharp pain in the back of his skull and
everything went black. this was probably brought about by a short man
hitting him in the back of the head with a brick.
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what seemed to be moments later, but was actually several hours later,
frennie woke up from his abrubtly brought about sleep by a cup of cold
water to his face.
"get up." said a dark voice from within the shadows.
"what... uh... ow... great i'm bleading... what do you want from me?"
"we want to employ you, we need your help with saving the world."
"great, i'm hallucinating again, listen buddy, i'm not the world's
salvation, i'm not a martyr or anything of the sort, so if you will
just let me go..."
as frennie started to get up and turn around, a strong hand shoved him
right back into his original position.
"listen, don't go anywhere, i don't want you to get hurt any more than
you want to get hurt. now the mad scientist dr. farkle has implanted
the five toes of the armageddon into your left foot. when we
kidnapped you the five toes disconnected from your body and joined
together to form an entity called captain toe jam!!! we need you to
keep them from completing their plans."
"let me get this straight, my left foot is going to destroy the world,
summon up a character named captain toe jam!!! and the doctor that
implanted my artificial toes was actually a mad scientist. next thing
you're going to tell me is that you're going to implant fingers into
my right hand that are going to fight these five toes of the
armageddon or something."
"as a matter of fact, yes."
"oh great, how could this get any wors... what the fuck?!?!?"
a needle was abruptly shoved into frennie's arm and he was injected
with a high dosage of a personal concoction of the mystery doctor.
"fuck me..." said frennie as he lapsed into his second coma of the
day.
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strangeness will transpire in the next installment of 'frennie and the
five toes of the armageddon'...
